Overcoming Lack of Communication

"LACK OF COMMUNICATION" is one of the BIGGEST problems in marriages and it's unfortunately it's something all of us married couples have experienced at one point.  What most people don't know is how to fix the communication problem or simply moving forward and getting out of that "rut".
One of the most important things to identify after you have made the decision to improve your communication is to tap into the root issue.  Now, are you ready to know what it is???? 

The number one "root issue" problem in marriage is…SELFISHNESS.

Selfishness means “seeking one’s own advantage, pleasure, or well-being without regard for others.”

 Everyone struggles with selfishness. We all want what we want when we want it. We were born this way. You don’t have to teach a small child how to say “gimme, gimme” when they see a toy they want that another child has.

Many times people go into a marriage relationship for what it can provide for them. They want security, affection, companionship, money, sex, to name a few. “Give, give” they cry. But God wants us to be more focused on others and less focused on ourselves. 

Don’t be concerned for your own good but for the good of others
1 Corinthians 10:24 (NLT)

How often do you hear of people entering into their marriage thinking, "what can I do to make this other person’s life more fulfilling?"  Answer............ Rarely.

Living a life of selfishness will hinder your marriage, and possibly others who you come into contact with, from receiving from God.

Personally, this area hit me right between the eyes. I was sucking out of our marriage. Constantly I was in the mindset of why won’t my wife do this or that. I wanted her to give to me. Concern about what I could give to her without expecting something in return was not a part of my thinking.

Respect, honor, kindness, and self-worth were things I was requiring from her. But it seemed like God held a mirror up right in front of my face and quite honestly, the image I seen was not what I had planned or what I wanted my wife to have.  She deserves better!  We deserve better! 

I saw just how selfish I was and that I was not doing anything in our marriage to make it better or more importantly, glorifying to God. Edifying our marriage and building up my wife by seeking to only meet her needs were things that I wasn’t doing at all. 

Since then, God has been helping me to turn it around so as to constantly seek to put my wife’s well-being first…and NOT expecting a single thing in return. (Ephesians 4:1-5)

We shouldn’t always be thinking about ourselves and only what we need. We should walk in love, unselfishly thinking of others and their benefit more than our own. When we walk in love and bless others, we can expect God to take care of our needs in the process. 

Don’t suck the life out of your marriage by always seeking to get and never giving.

~Nick~

Desire To Have A "Dream Marriage" -- Step 3

For the last 2 weeks, we’ve talked about: 

• Renewing your desire to have a "great marriage" 
• How to work a t doing what God’s asked you to do to move closer to that dream marriage.

Now it’s time to realize that having the dream marriage is not a destination, but a journey.  There is never going to come a day where you wake up and say “wow, we’ve arrived at a great marriage, now we're done!”

You’re not done, you're actually far from it, but you have the main necessity's in place! The "great marriage" relationship is a journey.  It’s a process that needs CONSTANT ATTENTION to keep from slipping back to where you were when you started this.

Continue feeding your marriage with what you're learning from God’s word.  Just like your body, your marriage needs CONSTANT NOURISHMENT.

Be consistent and do those things to show love to your spouse…even when you don’t feel like it or when your husband or wife doesn’t deserve it. (Ephesians 4:1-6)

As you keep up the consistency, you’ll find that you no longer “work” at it, because you both have changed the way your living to line up with God’s thinking.  When you get to this point, loving your spouse the way God intended is not as difficult, because you've created a "Godly" habit.

Keep up the good work and remember that God wants you to have that great, "Dream Marriage."

~Nick~

3 Fabulous Bands, 2 Awesome Nights, 1 Set List to prove it

I have had the GREAT pleasure these last two days of enjoying 3 of the GREATEST Christian Rock Bands touring right now! Last night, Jamie, myself, Dustin and Sarah Pead headed to Louisville, KY to check out Charlie Hall (and his band) and FEE perform on the 2010 Passion Tour at a place called The Block. It was amazing to have an opportunity to worship our Amazing God with them. The Block was a beautiful venue that was on a huge church campus, and hands down, it was one of the best sounding concerts that I have ever been too!

Tonight was a little different, f or many reasons, but mainly because the David Crowder Band was in the great state of Indiana! Needless to say they didn't disappoint and for the second year in a row, I made out with the actual set list from the show, and I got it from the "sound guy" himself, so go figure! The other highlight of the night was prior to them performing but after we had taken our seats, we realized that we were going to have a hard time seeing DCB, much less hearing them becuase of the stage being 2ft off the ground, but I sent a tweet to @crowderband (their twitter name) and let them know that they had gotten hosed on the venue tonight and asked if they wouldn't mind standing a little taller so we could see them! So yes! He mentioned that in the middle of the show and READ what I twittered to the entire building! (Even the part where I said they got "hosed" on the venue)

I will never forget that moment and I am extremely grateful to God for music and giving people that kind of talent to make beautiful sounds that glorify His name! I can honestly say that God's presence was definitely felt during these show and was most definitely being worshipped as the ONE, TRUE God He is! I can't wait for the next set of shows from each one of these bands and I will be looking at their schedule to keep a close eye on when they will be rolling through town again!  Thank you Dustin & Sarah for the tix to both shows, it was a real blast hanging with you both these last couple days, and I can only hope these bands will visit us sooner than next November!

Desire To Have A "Dream Marriage"-- Step 2

Last Friday we started part 1 of 3 on how we can get back on track to having that "Dream Marriage", and we talked about how you have to "Desire" it to begin to achieve it and start making a difference. You also have tobelieve it’s possible and know how to rekindle that desire for it.

Now it’s time to take another step towards achieving that great marriage.

Take delight in the Lord,
and he will give you your heart’s desires
Psalm 37:4 (NLT)

Okay, so you have the renewed desire for a great marriage. Now it’s time to complete the rest of the equation…to delight yourself in the Lord. It’s time to do some...…that's right.......work!

Some of you may now be tuning out, thinking that “if God wanted me to have a great marriage, then He would just make it happen.”

Well that’s not the way it works for the supernatural to happen. God has to have something “natural” to add the “super” to. And that natural part is reading and meditating on God’s word, then putting into action what He’s instructed.

If you are seeking God and acting on His ways, then the Bible promises that He will give you the desires of your heart.

Do what many people won’t do (maybe not even your spouse) and do the work God has instructed you to do. You’ll find that He’ll give you the strength to do everything He’s asked, if you go into it with the right attitude.

For a place to start, check out 1 Corinthians 7 and 1 Corinthians 13. These are great chapters of the Bible on love and marriage.

Next week we will finish up with step 3 on how we can obtain that "Dream Marriage", so stay tuned!!

~Nick~

Desire To Have A "Dream Marriage" -- Step 1

Admit it…you want a great marriage.

No wife grew up thinking “I can’t wait to get into a miserable marriage.” And no husband got married thinking “I’m looking forward to this marriage becoming a huge weight around my neck.”

But all too often, that’s what the marriage relationship turns into.  If that’s you, then it’s time to rekindle the dream of having a great marriage. It may not be what you’d like right now, but you should have hope that the relationship with your spouse can become the type of marriage that others dream of having. Without that hope, the marriage has nowhere to go.

God wants you to have a great marriage and remember Mark 9:23, that all things are possible to him who believes.

Start desiring and believing for that great marriage. It’s a first step in the right direction.  Next week, we will talk about the next step in obtaining that "Dream Marriage"!

~Nick~